SO MUCH TO DO AND SO LITTLE TIME

By the time I had taken in exactly what Nicole meant - that there was a liver available for me some time must have passed and I was full of questions.

Nicole was very careful to assure me that this was not a "done deal" that there were tests that had to be done on the donor liver and things they had to work through with me.

My questions and concerns were not many - I had researched Liver transplant and guess I knew the procedure, but there were things I needed to ask.

The first was - that I still had fluid in my lungs and was under the impression that they could not operate with this - her response - with a smile was that she had spoken to the Anaesthetist and he was prepared to insert a drain in the operating theatre.

My other great concern was that my blood results were not good - the clotting mechanism was very poor and again i did not think they could operate with it like that.  Again with a smile - she informed me that she had spoken to the surgeon and that he was prepared to operate.

My two fears were allayed and then I felt the excitement of the moment and was anxious to get on the phone to my family and friends - but we had work to do - tests to run, forms to sign, shower to take and no fluids or food. 

I rang my family and felt the gasp from all of them - they wished me well and I told them I loved them and I would see them after surgery.   

Little did I know.

Nicole and I got on with the tests - while somewhere else my donor organ was being assessed. I wondered then about my donor - who was he/she, how old, where they had lived and what tragedy had taken place to take their life and give me the gift of lift itself. I was told that we would know at about 2.30 in the morning if surgery was to go ahead and that when the tests were completed I should try to get some sleep.

I have no idea how long it was (it must have been well over an hour because of the distance from the hospital) but soon my family was in my room and buzzing with excitement while Nicole tried to worked around them.

The hoots of laughter were outrageous when Nicole had to ask me if there was any chance I could be pregnant and that she had to do a pregnancy test. The laughter was obscene and could be heart all over the hospital floor.

We talked about it all and the anticipation and fear on their faces (which they tried to hide) was clear.  They didn't stay very long, just long enough for me to hold on to each one of them and to again tell them I loved them.

They took home my suitcase leaving me with only a small toiletries bag and my beloved pillow.

After they had left with a promise from me to let them know if surgery was going ahead, I felt an immense peace and calm about the road ahead.

I was calm and in fact was able to get some rest.

Nicole came back to see me at about 2.40.a.m. and gave me the wonderful news that the donor liver was viable and that surgery would go ahead later that morning.   She advised me that I would be taken to Theatre at about four in the morning.

I rang my family and told them it was a go ahead and messaged friends with a message:

"All systems go - Houston we have a lift off".

There were no tears from me - I am not sure about my girls but I do know it was difficult for them and I am so proud of the way they supported each other.

Somewhere in between my family leaving the hospital and Nicole letting me know we had a done deal - I did manage to sleep or at least get some calm rest.   I was cared for by beautiful nurses who were kindness itself to me.

Felicia was my nurse for the night and she accompanied me to the Operating Theatre when the time came.

It was the start of a long journey and so much of it out of my control - I had learned to let go and let God.  I have two friends with birthdays around that date and they both said it was the best birthday present they had.

I cannot begin to explain the complete sense of peace I felt and there was no fear - I was in good hands.

I am finding that it is easier to write this story during the night and maybe that is because so much of it took place during the night - I really don't know, but my next post will be the start of a very long journey.

Love and hugs,